Buyer First: Grow Your Business with Collaborative Selling

80% of entrepreneurs struggle to win new customers, and half of small businesses don’t survive beyond five years. But what if the problem isn’t how you sell—but how buyers buy? Buyer First by Carole Mahoney flips the traditional sales mindset. With real-life stories, exercises, and a proven framework, this book will not only transform your sales strategy but also make you feel great about every deal you close. Here are some of the key ideas mentioned in the book:

Key Idea No. 1: Why Learning the Art of Selling is Crucial

Selling is something we all do every single day, whether we realize it or not. It’s not just about pitching products or closing deals. Selling happens in the small moments—convincing a friend to try a new restaurant, persuading a sibling to switch the TV channel, or negotiating with a colleague about a project. These moments are all forms of selling, and they show us just how important the ability to sell is in our everyday lives.

Despite its importance, many people resist the idea of selling because they associate it with manipulation, pushiness, or dishonesty. This negative perception prevents them from embracing sales as a natural and essential skill.

The truth is, selling isn’t about convincing someone to do something against their will. It’s about helping others and building trust. When we understand this, we can shift our mindset and learn to sell with authenticity.

People can tell when they’re being pressured. No one enjoys feeling like they’re being pushed into something. However, when we approach selling with a genuine desire to help, it becomes a much more comfortable and natural experience.

It’s important to note that selling isn’t just something for salespeople. In fact, some of the most successful people aren’t in traditional sales roles, but they’re still excellent at selling. Doctors “sell” their patients on treatment plans. Teachers “sell” the importance of education to their students. Leaders “sell” their vision to their teams. In all these cases, the goal isn’t manipulation, but inspiring others to take action.

When we recognize this, we can break down the negative stigma around selling and start to see it as an essential skill in all areas of life. Whether you’re convincing someone to take a chance on a new idea, or simply helping a colleague understand a concept, you’re still selling. And learning how to do it effectively can make you much more successful in everything you do.

Key Idea No. 2: The New Golden Rule of Selling

Many people think selling is all about persuasion—talking a lot and convincing buyers to make a purchase. But times have changed. Buyers today have unlimited access to information and don’t want to be “sold”—they want to be understood. If you want to succeed in sales, you must focus on what your buyers need, not just what you want to sell. Here are a few strategies to achieve that:

• Trust: Buyers only listen to people they trust, and trust isn’t built through flashy presentations or high-pressure tactics. Instead, it comes from truly listening to your buyer’s problems, concerns, and goals. When buyers feel heard, they are more likely to trust you—and trust leads to sales.
• Ask More, Talk Less: Many salespeople make the mistake of talking too much. They focus on explaining their product’s features and benefits, hoping to convince the buyer. But buyers don’t want a lecture—they want a conversation. The more you ask about their challenges, the more they will open up and share their real concerns. This not only helps you understand their needs better but also makes them feel heard and valued. And when people feel heard, they trust you more.
• Embrace Rejection & Handle Objections: One reason salespeople avoid asking questions is fear of rejection. No one wants to hear “no.” But rejection isn’t personal—it just means the buyer isn’t convinced yet. A great strategy is the “Go for No” approach. Instead of avoiding objections, address them head-on. This shows honesty and builds trust. It also helps the buyer work through their concerns rather than avoiding them.
• Sell to People, Not Categories: Many salespeople define their target market in broad terms like “CEOs of mid-sized companies.” But that’s not enough. You need to understand real people, not just job titles. What specific problems do they face? What emotions are they feeling? How does your solution help them personally? The more specific you get, the easier it is to connect with buyers and offer them something valuable.
• Selling is Helping: At its core, selling isn’t about pushing products—it’s about being helpful. The best salespeople don’t see themselves as persuaders; they see themselves as problem-solvers. When you shift your mindset from “How can I sell this?” to “How can I help this person?”, everything changes. You start asking better questions, building stronger relationships, and making sales feel effortless. Buyers don’t want to be convinced—they want to be understood. If you can master that, success in sales will come naturally.

Key Idea No. 3: Finding the Right Buyers

Selling isn’t about making endless cold calls or sending hundreds of emails. The secret to successful sales isn’t quantity—it’s quality. Finding the right buyer is what truly makes a difference.

Many salespeople struggle with prospecting. In fact, 31% find it difficult to generate new business. This isn’t because they lack skill but because they often target the wrong people. Instead of reaching out to anyone and everyone, a better approach is to focus on, who actually needs your product or service? What problems do they have that you can solve? And how can you connect in a way that feels natural?

When you focus on the right audience, your sales process becomes easier, more effective, and less frustrating. So, before reaching out, do your homework. The more you know about a prospect, the better your chances of making a connection. Google is a great place to start—search for recent news, industry reports, or blog posts related to their business. LinkedIn provides valuable details about their professional background, connections, and recent activity. Social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook can reveal what they care about and discuss online. Industry associations often publish research, host events, and provide a network of people who can offer further insights. The more you know about your prospects before reaching out, the more relevant your conversation will be.

Another important aspect of effective selling is leveraging existing connections. Many people assume that to grow their business, they must constantly reach out to new people. While expanding your network is important, chances are, you already know people who can help. Referrals are one of the most powerful tools in sales—not only do they come with built-in trust, but studies show that referred customers tend to be 16% more valuable than those acquired through cold outreach.

Once you’ve identified potential buyers and done your research, the next step is to reach out the right way. One of the biggest mistakes in sales is coming on too strong. No one likes feeling like they’re being sold to, and aggressive pitches often backfire. Instead, aim for a more natural, friendly approach.

Sales isn’t about convincing people to buy something they don’t need. It’s about finding the right people, understanding their problems, and offering a solution that genuinely helps them. When you shift from a transactional mindset to a relationship-building approach, sales becomes less about pressure and more about connection.

Key Idea No. 4: Find Your Why

Success in sales is not just about pushing products or services; it’s about helping people embrace change. The best salespeople don’t simply focus on closing deals—they understand the power of motivation, both for themselves and for their buyers. Without strong personal motivation and the ability to guide customers toward meaningful change, sales efforts often fall short.

A key factor that separates high-performing sales professionals from the rest is having a strong sense of purpose. Sales can be a challenging career, filled with rejection and uncertainty. Without a clear reason for why they are doing it, many people burn out or lose enthusiasm. The best salespeople take the time to reflect on their personal motivations, allowing them to stay committed even when things get tough.

Many people enter sales because of financial incentives, but studies show that money alone is not enough to sustain long-term motivation. While financial rewards are important, only a small percentage of salespeople are primarily driven by money. The majority of top performers are motivated by personal growth, mastery of their craft, and the challenge of selling itself. Instead of just chasing commissions, they focus on becoming the best at what they do and making a meaningful impact.

Sales can be discouraging, especially when things don’t go as planned. That’s why it’s important to regularly reconnect with personal motivation. Taking short breaks, reflecting on goals, and stepping back to reassess can help refresh energy and perspective. Asking the right questions can bring clarity—what impact do I want to make? What excites me most about my work?

Journaling is also a powerful tool to gain insight. Writing down thoughts, goals, and reflections helps organize ideas and bring focus to what truly matters. Many top sales professionals use journaling to stay on track and continuously refine their approach.

However, motivation alone isn’t enough—consistent action is what creates results. Many people wait for inspiration before taking action, but successful salespeople understand that progress comes from doing. Taking small steps each day—whether it’s making extra sales calls, improving product knowledge, or refining sales techniques—builds momentum over time and leads to long-term success.

Motivation isn’t static; it evolves over time. What drives a person at one stage of their career may change later. That’s why it’s important to continuously reassess personal motivation and adjust goals as needed. Staying flexible and open to new motivations helps sales professionals remain engaged and effective throughout their careers. The most successful salespeople don’t just sell—they master motivation. They recognize that selling isn’t about applying pressure but about guiding customers toward decisions that truly benefit them.

By maintaining strong personal motivation and understanding what drives their buyers, sales professionals create lasting success. Selling is more than a profession—it’s a journey of continuous learning and growth. When salespeople align their work with a deeper purpose, they approach each day with enthusiasm and determination.

Key Idea No. 5: Mindset, Habits & Persistence

Success in sales isn’t about luck—it’s about mindset, habits, and persistence. Many people believe that following someone else’s path will lead to success, but the truth is that every salesperson must develop their own approach based on their strengths and goals. If you want to become a top-performing salesperson, here are some crucial points to keep in mind.

• Set Clear and Personal Goals: One of the biggest mistakes salespeople make is setting goals based on external expectations instead of personal ambition. Success in sales requires clear, well-defined goals that are realistic and motivating. Studies show that those who set structured goals are 298% more likely to achieve high performance. Instead of saying, “I want to make more sales,” set a specific target like, “I will close five deals this month.” The more precise your goal, the easier it is to track progress and stay motivated.
• Stay Motivated by Your Own Passion: Many salespeople struggle because they chase success based on societal pressure or what others think they should do. But true success comes from intrinsic motivation—a deep personal drive to achieve your goals. Ask yourself: Do I enjoy helping people solve problems? Do I find sales exciting and rewarding? What motivates me beyond just making money? If you genuinely enjoy the sales process, you’ll stay committed even when things get tough.
• Be Resilient and Never Give Up: Sales is full of rejection. You’ll hear “no” more times than you can count. The difference between successful and struggling salespeople is that successful ones keep going despite failures. Every rejection is a learning opportunity. Instead of getting discouraged, analyze what went wrong and improve your approach. Persistence is what separates top salespeople from the rest.
• Don’t Expect Quick Results: Success in sales isn’t instant. While you may hear stories of overnight success, the reality is that it takes time, consistency, and effort to become great. If you expect quick results, you may give up too soon. Instead of focusing on immediate wins, commit to long-term growth. Keep improving your skills, learning from experience, and refining your sales techniques.
• Develop a Positive Mindset: Your mindset has a direct impact on your sales performance. A positive and success-driven mindset helps you stay confident, motivated, and adaptable. Research shows that people with an optimistic outlook are more likely to take initiative and persist through challenges. To build a strong mindset, challenge negative thoughts, focus on what you can control, and avoid worrying about things beyond your control.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Success is not just about reaching big milestones. Every small achievement—whether it’s closing a small deal, improving your pitch, or getting positive feedback—builds momentum. Recognizing your progress keeps you motivated. Instead of only focusing on your ultimate goal, celebrate the small steps that lead you there.
• Surround Yourself with the Right People: Building a support system can also significantly impact goal achievement. Surrounding oneself with like-minded individuals—whether mentors, colleagues, or supportive friends—creates accountability and encouragement. Being part of a community that shares similar aspirations provides motivation and valuable insights. Research has shown that people who have accountability partners are more likely to stay committed to their goals.
• Pick a Fresh Start Date: Setting a fresh start date can also be an effective motivator. Research indicates that people are more likely to commit to goals when they associate them with a new beginning—such as the start of a new year, a birthday, or a career change. Even something as simple as starting on a Monday can create a mental shift that encourages action. Choosing a specific date to begin pursuing a goal adds structure and accountability.

Success in sales—and in life—comes down to making the right moves, not just working harder. The difference between struggle and exponential growth is knowing which actions create the biggest impact. If you don’t learn this, you risk wasting time on efforts that lead nowhere. But if you do, the results can be life-changing.